Housewife in a Hardware Store

I have stalkers!  They wear aprons, name badges, and exist in the form of hardware store employees.

Stalker #1
Employee:  What can I help you find?
Me:  Nothing, thank you.
Employee:  Are you building something?
Me:  Yes.
Employee:  What exactly?
Me:  A cat scratching/climbing post.
Employee:  O' you can buy that pre-made, we sell those here...have you looked in our pet section?

At which point I politely smile, batt my eyelashes, and think:  OMG WTF!!!!  Please go away before I "accidentally" smack you with this 4x4.  Yes I know I can buy one pre-made.  Yes I looked at them in the pet section.  And yes I'm choosing to build my own.

That's what I get for trying to be Minnesota nice to these stalkers.  Note to self:  try a new tactic when responding next time.


Stalker #2

Employee:  What can I help you find?

Me:  Ummmm...nothing.

Employee:  Are you planning to build something?

Me:  Not really sure.

Employee:  You seem to be a looking at the wood selection pretty intently.  Are you sure there isn't something I can help you with?

Me:  No thank you.  I'm just waiting for the wood to speak to me.
Employee:  O.  

At which point the employee walks away to help another customer.  Wow.  That was easy. 

Stalker #3 (Sees me making a beeline for the exit with nothing in hand and steps into the path between me and the door.)
Employee:   How are you doing today?
Me:  Fine.  Thank you.
Employee:  Is there something I can help you find.
Me:  No.  Thank you.
Employee:  Did you find what you are looking for?

Me:  No.  Not today.

Employee:  What are you looking for?

Me:  Good question.  I don't really know.  Any suggestions?

Employee:  Hummmmmmm???????

At which point the employee is rendered speechless, flashes me a fake smile, and steps aside so I can go on my merry way.  Problem solved.