Photo 12.07.12: Honeymoon #2

After eloping in Vegas, it seemed only proper to go on another honeymoon.  So we flew to FL and hopped on a cruise to the Bahamas.  With a bunch of family and friends.  Okay...let's just call it a vacation because it would be kinda weird to honeymoon with the fam.  Yep...awkwardly weird.

Las Vegas Foliage

Hummmm...

I'm sure Dr. Reefer must be a horticulturist with a Ph.D.

I mean...what other possible explanation could there be?!

Whatever it is...don't feed it!

Driving along Red Rock Canyon...we see a sign:

DO NOT FEED WILD HORSES AND BURROS $500 FINE

Me: What's a burro???

Hubby: What...there's wild horses???

And then a little while later...

Hubby: Look! Wild Horses.

Me: Ummmm no. But I think you solved my burro question.

Viva Las Vegas!

We eloped. 

In Vegas.

With Elvis.

Part 3: Housewife in a .......

Another stalker!  
There's a pattern developing here....
Part 1:  Stalker #1-3
Part 2:  Stalker #4.

I'm at the coffee shop writing, trying to get some work done, dusting the cobwebs off this little 'ol blog.  Again...minding my own business.  Why can't other people just learn to do the same?!?!

Then the guy next to me starts up a conversation.  Of course.  Just my luck.  He's either a really strange chatty fellow or it's the worst pick up line ever.



Stalker #5
Mr. Coffee Shop Man:  Do people here (meaning Minnesotans) call 'em sweet potatoes or yams?

(Huhhhh??????  Seriously...my brain took a trip around the block to process that question.  Did I really hear him correctly...sweet potato or yam?  What the......well okay...strange question but I'll play along and see where this goes....)

Me:  Both.  I'm not a tuber expert but they are actually different plants.

Mr. Coffee Shop Man:  Well I grew a HUGE sweet potato the size of a bowling pin.  Wanna see it?  I can show you a picture of it on my Facebook page.....

Me:  Ummmmm.  No thank you!

That's when I quickly grabbed my headphones and put 'em on!  I see where this creepy conversation is going.....NO...I also do not want to see the banana hiding in your pocket and NO we cannot be Facebook friends!  

And that is why my parents taught me never to speak to strangers.  Apparently there's no statute of limitations on that rule.  Next time...I'm yelling STRANGER DANGER!!!

Too Much Turkey!

Toasty warm fire 

+

Full bellies

=

Turkey day food coma

Part 2: Housewife in Hardware Store

I was writing my Housewife in a Hardware Store post one morning and needed a break.  So I decided to run up to the orange box to pick up paint supplies for our kitchen.  Little did I know the post I was in the middle of writing was about to get a Part 2.

Stalker #4 (Sees me looking at paint brushes and rollers...minding my own business...)

Customer:  I can tell you have never painted anything in your whole life and need advice on the best supplies to buy.  Unfortunately I'm late for work or I would stay and help you.

Me:  ...I...ugh...hummm...ugh...speechless.

Holy $#!% batman!!!  Now I'm getting stalked by customers too!

Huffing or Puffing?

Advice from a smoker:
Be sure to wear a mask when spray painting.  Inhaling the fumes can be harmful. 


Oooooooo...the irony!!!

Wanted: A New Career

I agree.

What the.....?!?!  

It's blank!

The answer was supposed to be inside!

Man...I got jipped!

Frogger

The goal of Frogger is simple.

Avoid cars while crossing a busy road without killing your frog.

Easy peasy right?

Unless you're the frog on my car who decides to try these stunts in real life.

Really Kermit?  What were you thinking!

Game over.

Housewife in a Hardware Store

I have stalkers!  They wear aprons, name badges, and exist in the form of hardware store employees.

Stalker #1
Employee:  What can I help you find?
Me:  Nothing, thank you.
Employee:  Are you building something?
Me:  Yes.
Employee:  What exactly?
Me:  A cat scratching/climbing post.
Employee:  O' you can buy that pre-made, we sell those here...have you looked in our pet section?

At which point I politely smile, batt my eyelashes, and think:  OMG WTF!!!!  Please go away before I "accidentally" smack you with this 4x4.  Yes I know I can buy one pre-made.  Yes I looked at them in the pet section.  And yes I'm choosing to build my own.

That's what I get for trying to be Minnesota nice to these stalkers.  Note to self:  try a new tactic when responding next time.


Stalker #2

Employee:  What can I help you find?

Me:  Ummmm...nothing.

Employee:  Are you planning to build something?

Me:  Not really sure.

Employee:  You seem to be a looking at the wood selection pretty intently.  Are you sure there isn't something I can help you with?

Me:  No thank you.  I'm just waiting for the wood to speak to me.
Employee:  O.  

At which point the employee walks away to help another customer.  Wow.  That was easy. 

Stalker #3 (Sees me making a beeline for the exit with nothing in hand and steps into the path between me and the door.)
Employee:   How are you doing today?
Me:  Fine.  Thank you.
Employee:  Is there something I can help you find.
Me:  No.  Thank you.
Employee:  Did you find what you are looking for?

Me:  No.  Not today.

Employee:  What are you looking for?

Me:  Good question.  I don't really know.  Any suggestions?

Employee:  Hummmmmmm???????

At which point the employee is rendered speechless, flashes me a fake smile, and steps aside so I can go on my merry way.  Problem solved.

Howdy Aggie Nation!

Hummmmmmm.....

REAL Football? 

REAL Tradition?

Annexed? 
Implying ownership?
REAL-ly?

Welcome to the SEC boys!  

The Gator Nation hopes you enjoyed your introduction as much as we did!  

   

Be our guest

Not sure what is more disturbing about this scenario....that I set up a fake bed in our guest room or that Ziggy took a nap in it.

Hello crazy...meet crazy!

Moving In: Couch Potatoes

First day in our new house.  Priority #1....breakfast at IHOP.  'Cause who can function without pancakes and coffee!!  Next on the agenda....(ummm....not dealing with the mass chaos of stuff in our garage)...instead we hopped into our moving truck and headed straight to Ikea to pick up our sectional.

Again...we have priorities...and cable tv requires a couch.  A really really big one.  Besides...using our moving truck saved us a chunk of change in delivery fees.  The only problem:  our new couch required assembly.

So I spent the rest of the day getting beaten up by Karlstad while the hubby bravely tackled the garage.  The little bads???  They supervised.

Ahhhhhh....the joys of moving.

Timing is Everything

Soooooooo glad our emergency fund has an emergency fund.  It usually helps keep Murphy's law away.

However, right before we moved, we found out that the timing belt on one of our cars had some cracks and probably should be replaced...sooner than later.  We decided to go ahead and get it fixed asap because I didn't want it breaking while I was driving the car. Thus me being stranded.  

  

Well...Murphy must have been bored 'cause I was driving our other car and...yep...it died on the interstate while driving north to wrap up my last day of work.  Me = stranded in the middle-of-nowhere.  1.5 hours between my new home and my old home.

Diagnosis:  the timing belt broke.

Ohhhhhh...the irony!!!

Moving Sucks!

What d'ya miss?  A whole lotta packing.  More packing.  And still more packing.  Then the joy of loading our never-ending crap into a moving truck, driving it all 3 hours south, and unloading it into our new garage.  Which was supposed to be organized into zones.... but...ummmmmmm...instead turned out to be...a massive cluster f*@#!!!!  Uggghhhh!

But we didn't have time to worry about the mess in our garage...we had less than 1 hour to get to the cable company before they closed.  Good to know we have our priorities in order...ya know....Maslow's hierarchy of needs:  food, clothing, shelter.  I'm pretty sure Maslow intended for cable tv/internet to be included in the shelter part!!

Photo 5.17.12: Office or Daycare?

5 year olds behave better.  Temper tantrums, whining, helplessness, throwing things, making messes and not cleaning up after themselves.  And then there's this...

What's wrong with this picture?

Hint. Hint.

Check out the chair and drawer.

2 minutes prior it looked like this.  Until someone sat down for a minute to write out an envelope.

So here's my question?  Do you really think that chair and drawer are going to miraculously put themselves back!!!!  Pretty sure closing file cabinets all day and pushing in chairs was NOT in my job description.

C'mon people....grow up!  This is not daycare and I'm not your momma.

Returning 6.15.12

Packing again.  So unless you are a cardboard box...I can't be friends with you right now.

I hope to return by mid-June but if not....well...then the basement kidnapped me.  d@#n basement!!!  That place is a never-ending blackhole.  I'm convinced that all our stuff went down there cute, fuzzy, and well behaved like Gizmo...then got wet....and multiplied into a bunch of angry Gremlins.  Yep...that pretty much sums up our basement.

Wish me luck...I gotta go back down there...armed with only cardboard boxes and packing tape!

Snow Stories: My First Snow Day!

February 29, 2012.  A blizzard on leap year day. No school. No work. O'happy day! Since this was my first snow day ever (it took 4 long MN winters to finally get one) I had no idea what a proper Minnesotan should do on a snow day. We opted to eat, sleep, and watch movies.  Real Minnesotans probably ski the streets or something.  We should really live in a lazier place.  Too many overachievers here!

We did manage to get outside once the snow stopped to shovel and plow ourselves out.  'Cause that's what responsible grown folks do.  I know...I'm personally very impressed and shocked that we actually did it!

After clearing our driveway, the hubby was a good samaritan and used my girl toy to plow out a snowed in car. Meanwhile...I created a snowman. He worked. I played. Sounds about right to me.  Payment for helping the college boys get their car unstuck? 2 beers. Gotta love college kids!  

At first my snowman wasn't looking much like Frosty. More like a snow mound. Built by a girl from Florida. Our neighbor walked by and made a comment to the hubby about my snow mound looking "creative." Hummm....not sure if it was a compliment or another example of being Minnesota nice. I almost left my mound and gave up but then the bottle of beer arrived. Which has nothing to do with building a snowman. Except that if I had enough of them...my mound would start looking like Frosty. Cause now I had snowman beer goggles! 

Anyway...I'm not sure if I built the snow guy properly but I figured out a way to make him look round like Frosty. A very plump Frosty who had too many donuts.  


Then it snowed again. 


It was only supposed to be an inch. Turned out to be more like 18. Maybe what they meant to say was an inch an hour and just forgot that little detail.  

So then 'ol Frosty turned into Jabba da Hut.


Oh well.

Ziggy's World: Nap Time

Zoey...you make the best pillow.

Ziggy's World: I see water!

I think I see some water in there. 

Nope it's dry. 

Must have been a mirage. 

Bummer.

FL Adventures: Tuesday 3.13.12

Did I really just see that?!

Walking shoeless into an airplane bathroom. Pretty sure that's worse than walking barefoot into a gas station.

Ahhhhhhh...people. There are no words for you.

FL Adventures: Monday 3.12.12

And hungry people are never happy.

FL Adventures: Sunday 3.11.12

Hard Rock Casino buffet. 

Note to self...next time don't photo diary your trip to the buffet.  

Some things are best left undocumented.

FL Adventures: Friday 3.09.12

Wine shots. That's what I did with all those samples that tasted terrible. Guess I could have poured 'em out but that seemed so wasteful. Oddly enough there weren't so many wine shots toward the end of the list. I liked most of those samples.

Could it be that the wine got better toward the end?

Maybe.

However, I also noticed that the sample list got a bit fuzzier at that point.

Coincidence?

No wayyyyyyy.

I'm sure the winery just saved their best for last.

FL Adventures: Thursday 3.08.12

The news this morning informed me that large solar flares would be striking the earth today. Which could affect/cancel some flights due to the whole electrical magnetic atmosphere thingy. Awesome. Hope my life insurance is in order. So why exactly is the flight attendant soooooo worried that I turn my cell phone off . I'm just thinking we should be a wee bit more concerned about being struck by one of those solar flares and dropping outta the sky.  Seriously...interference by my little iPhone...totally the least of our concerns!

Couch I Miss U!

So realistically I can't be good at everything.  Nobody likes those people anyway.  But how is it that I suck at being a couch potato?!?!

I thought that the couch potato club was all inclusive and didn't discriminate against any one.  Except the club just called and revoked my membership card.

This self-proclaimed expert couch potato didn't really think through her plan too well.  We sold our couch and won't have a replacement for several weeks.  Apparently, to be a proper potato, you have to have a couch.  

Duhhhhhh.