Stalker #1
Employee: What can I help you find?
Me: Nothing, thank you.
Employee: Are you building something?
Me: Yes.
Employee: What exactly?
Me: A cat scratching/climbing post.
Employee: O' you can buy that pre-made, we sell those here...have you looked in our pet section?
At which point I politely smile, batt my eyelashes, and think: OMG WTF!!!! Please go away before I "accidentally" smack you with this 4x4. Yes I know I can buy one pre-made. Yes I looked at them in the pet section. And yes I'm choosing to build my own.
That's what I get for trying to be Minnesota nice to these stalkers. Note to self: try a new tactic when responding next time.
Stalker #2
Employee: What can I help you find?
Me: Ummmm...nothing.
Employee: Are you planning to build something?
Me: Not really sure.
Employee: You seem to be a looking at the wood selection pretty intently. Are you sure there isn't something I can help you with?
Me: No thank you. I'm just waiting for the wood to speak to me.
Employee: O.
Employee: O.
At which point the employee walks away to help another customer. Wow. That was easy.
Stalker #3 (Sees me making a beeline for the exit with nothing in hand and steps into the path between me and the door.)
Employee: How are you doing today?
Me: Fine. Thank you.
Employee: Is there something I can help you find.
Me: No. Thank you.
Employee: Did you find what you are looking for?
Me: No. Not today.
Employee: What are you looking for?
Me: Good question. I don't really know. Any suggestions?
Employee: Hummmmmmm???????
At which point the employee is rendered speechless, flashes me a fake smile, and steps aside so I can go on my merry way. Problem solved.
